Ready Set, Not Yet

Look at this crib

In all of its glorious antiquary

Every curve and surface speaks to me

Saying pamper and spoil me

Sand me and oil me

Come on

I know to the untrained eye it's boring

But nothing's a chore when you're restoring

Apart from frustration, pain, and financial drain

It's fun!

Folks say Adam

Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid?

And even if you did have a kid

This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it

So it simply exists to remind you

Your sense of perfection is just a reflection that

You are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid

Adam, why don't you live?

Adam, just make a start

Are you willing to take the next step?

Ready, set

Ready, set

Look at these jugs!

Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery

I took some clay and made you pottery

The world will never wreck you

I'll protect you in a mother's embrace

Folks say, Barbara

Why can't you see that ceramics is

Simply a manifestation of motherly panic

By making a baby that's breakable

Aren't you creating a way of translating the

Terror of making maternal mistakes into clay

Hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom

Barbara

That's what you've done, Barbara

Just make a start

Are you willing to take the next step?

Ready, set

Here we stand

At the end of a 10-year plan

A house, a yard, a minivan

A baby should be next

Together let's leap off the cliff

Fall forever, then smash to bits

Trapped in a terrifying viper pit

Of diapers and regret

Are we willing to take the next step?

Ready, set

Ready, set

Not yet

Not yet

Why rush?

Why rush?

Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed

But not yet!

Not yet!

Not now

Not now

Ooohh?

No!

See?

We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards

You are absolutely right

Let's add it to the list

With the cracks in the plaster

The wi-fi should be faster

This sofa needs a castor

The bathroom's a disaster!

What about global poverty?

What about world peace?

Then there's the whole darn economy

The whole Middle East

We should learn Mandarin

Yeah!

Or Spanish at least

No habla español

Dos cervezas por favor

And that's all we got

And that's not a lot

Do we want a bilingual household or not?

So let's go slow

No breaking a sweat

What's the point of having children

If we're drowning in debt?

Now we're totally

Completely

Maybe eighty percent

I'd say seventy-eight

Ready to take

The next step (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah Yeah!)

The next step (Zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow!)

The next step (Zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee!)

The next step

Ready, set let's

See I wasn't kidding

It's a show about death!