The Ballad Of Farquaad

My Daddy was a miner

So he wasn't much around.

Foraging for diamonds

A life spent underground.

Daddy didn't talk much

He barely said "Hello."

He'd simply mutter, "Heigh, ho."

And off to work he'd go

Daddy was grumpy

My Momma was a princess

Who left her crown behind

Daddy was her true love,

So Momma didn't mind.

I never knew my Momma

But she could've been a queen

She married way beneath her...

Beneath her knee, I mean

Oh, Daddy's bed was lumpy

So Mommy couldn't sleep

Daddy built a new one

So tall and so steep!

Twenty five mattresses she slept upon

One night she rolled over...

And Momma was gone

So Daddy was grumpy!

Me and my old man

A tale as old as dirt

A bitter, distant father,

In a tiny undershirt.

Daddy up and left me

Left me good as dead

Now he lives in squalor...

Sleepin' seven to a bed!

Oh, if you could only see me now,

Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding

But you have to be this tall to get in!

♪

My bride-to-be is gorgeous!

Her wedding dress, designer!

The guest list will be major!

Without a minor miner!

Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Packs of royal lackeys

Playing violin

Strings of royal underlings

Who will not let you in

Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Ha, ha!

Tricked out carriage!

Tricked out carriage.

Twenty stallions!

Twenty stallions.

With a coachman named Raoul

With a coachman named Roul!

Big reception

Big reception

With a boy band

With a boy band

And a royal DJ by the pool!

Yes, I can see my future

And so it shall be done

It's total domination

With some torture just for fun.

'Cause I will have my wedding

And I will have a queen

And once I get that crown on,

You will get the guillotine

And I'll punish you, Daddy

'Cause I'm all grown-up

And bigger than you'll ever know!

You're gonna pay, Daddy!

It's any day, Daddy!

I'm off to work! Heigh, ho!